December 2, 2016


and Black.

I know that in the end everything will goes black. In the end all you see is black. No, we can't even know whether it's black or not. Let's just assume it's black as you're closing your eyes as you sleep. On my first year at med school, the very first thing that i learn is about basic communication. I was so hyped to learn about medical stuff but i have to pass the basic communication course first before the basic sciences. Literally, communication. And now i know why i need to learn it first.

It was 8 P.M. i was walking through the hospital corridor with my friend searching for the ER section. There's something happened with me, an urgent one i guess, that urge me to go to the nearest hospital as fast as i can. But i'm safe and sound. As i arrived in the ER, the nurse checked me up and told me to wait for the doctor to see me. I was placed in a chamber, the nurse half-closed the partition. A few minutes later i heard something noisy, people are screaming, it was mad and i can see someone in a bed is being pushed toward the resuscitation room (As i got in the ER, i was looking at the entire place, noticing a room called resuscitation... so i know). People behind the patient are screaming in a mandarin, frustrated over something. The woman in pink yelled at a man. I don't know why. They didn't even use shoes, barefooted. 

After that i don't know what's going on outside, i'm still waiting at the chamber. And there it goes... my friend saw the doctor came out from the resuscitation room, walking past my chamber. All of the sudden people started to shout and cry. My friend peeked a bit to see what happened. I looked at my friend, shocked, and she mouthed me something. Something that i already know just by hearing the people outside. They just lost somebody so important to them. So important that they beg the doctor to save their loved ones. My friend said that the doctor stay calmed as she talked to the family. Soon they rushed to the resuscitation room, the cry goes louder. 

Don't leave us, dad.

By far it was all i remember. I was so stoked, my friend too. I felt so sorry and empathize for the family. So stressed to think of anything else. Until the doctor finally came to check me. I was so surprised she's all smiley while greeting me, after all she witnessed. So relaxed handling me. It was professionalism. If she's all frustrated and affected by it... i might be affected as well.

And i remember,

She got used to it, all situations regarding about a patient and his or her family. Years of experience. I believe she's doing all she can to save her patient. She vowed to do no harm and prioritize the patient's health. I wonder how she felt when things just didn't go as she wanted and fight for.