January 23, 2018

The One

Alina sat on corner of her bed, it's still 5 P.M. but her mind occupied by a lot of things. She's trying to figure out what has just happened. It's crazy, she's sad but she couldn't cry. Maybe because the fact that she felt this kind of 'feeling' for a lot of time. This time rather than crying she started to think. What is wrong with her, and the world, why is it like that? And people, what happened with them?

Just how, how did you know about someone's feelings or what they're dealing with so you did what you think is right. She kept repeating this question for many years, to herself, and those who deserves this question. Isn't human's heart or feeling is something to be respected and care to?

Who are you to decide?

To say,

" The one."

and then you go.

She always wanted to believe in things, but the thing she wanted to believe in... betray her once more.

And then you ask,

" Why is it that hard to be trusted by you?"

While the reason you cannot be trusted is yourself. Notions, figuring out why, the audacity to conclude some thing beyond facts and measures.

" Then i guess, she's not the one."

Care to believe, she didn't even think for a second that he's the one. Much to her beliefs, she didn't do anything to deserves to be called 'the one'.

" But i gave you my heart. And you broke it.

and it's either, i go that way, or you go this way."

So she conclude things,

" I won't change, just to have the heart by doing what's wrong.

I won't become a human i loathed, 

If you're on your right mind,

then you'll know i won't be that woman."

I wishes happiness upon you, and peace, and love. Just so you know.

Alina just wanted to rest, let her be.

January 21, 2018

Breaking Free

I love the rain so much
that it blesses me
with numerous denotation
to understand
to notice
to decipher
to comprehend that
to think clear
is never wrong
- a

I just closed the black iron gate behind me, when i felt the subtle cold wind passed through me. It’s odd, but not badly odd. I felt blessed by it. Jakarta has been very hot and humid since the beginning of January, my senses are alarmed by the heat. It’s plain hot, not even warm. So, yeah, i was walking through the street, straight to my campus with a light feeling and happy mind accompanied by the very friendly weather. I was very happy. Today was also my last saturday class for the basic clinical skill’s module, i still have 4 days left starting next monday until thursday. But anyway, no more saturday classes, that’s great!

After all of this ends i’d still have to face 1. My thesis presentation (hope it goes well) and 2. OSCE or the Objective Structured Clinical Examination. I know it’s still a lot, but hey, what’s in the life of a med students right? My friends and i have gone crazy, a bit stressed (very stressed), having a lot of mood changes, that affects our sleeping and eating cycle but we’re trying to cope with it! But, it’s crazy isn’t it? It has been 3 years and 4 months since i started med school, to be able to go this far is a big achievement for me. I am glad that i chose this path.

This past few days i was rethinking about many aspects of my life. Have i did it well? Is there anything to change? Anything wrong with my life? Turns out that there are many of it. I was blindsided at first thinking it was too late to change things, but then of course i'd rather start late than do nothing about it. Do nothing when i know something is not right. I started to evaluate how did i study for this past 3 years, and found out that my learning style is not effective at all. So, in youtube there's a medical student in US who vlogs about how she studies, how to manage her time, even made a video about how to get motivated. It's a very high quality and important video that i really need. I need to think right, i need to change, and finding her videos is a path to the light side (excuse my Star Wars reference here). If you are a med student i recommend you to watch her video to get many tips and reference about studying and medical school. Watch Jamie here!.

So, have you tried to rethink about life and made changes about it? A change never felt good, it's a strange and uncomfortable area, but it's good to challenge yourself to be a better version of yourself. Let's did well shall we!